Some people are very good at “going to their happy place”.  I am not.  I am much too much a realist – it’s probably the nurse in me.

Since becoming a caregiver, I have had an opportunity to revisit meditation.  What I didn’t know back then is that there are different types of meditations.  Along with the visualization meditations there are some that simply concentrate on breathing; some that concentrate on just “being”;  and some that deal with a specific subject such as how to take anger and turn it into positive motivation. 

Meditation is important for caregivers.  As caregivers, we are often filled with stress and negative feelings (not necessarily towards our care recipient, but perhaps towards physicians, hospitals, siblings, insurance companies, etc.)

We are also often overwhelmed and the thoughts in our heads are running around like a chipmunk gathering seeds for the winter.  We MUST slow down.  Meditation is a good way to do this and it doesn’t take much time.

Colin Allen, in Psychology Today, April, 2003, states that  Neuroscientists have found that meditators shift their brain activity to different areas of the cortex – brain waves in the stress-prone right frontal cortex move to the calmer left frontal cortex. This mental shift decreases the negative effects of stress, mild depression and anxiety.

Here are 4 of the daily benefits that meditation can give us:

1.  Reduced Stress

Meditation helps us to switch off the worries that can plague us throughout the day.  It quietens the mind and allows us to clear our heads of all that mumbo jumbo.

2.  Improved Health

Lowered blood pressure, less headaches, improvement in other stress-related ailments and even pain relief have all been proven to be part of the benefits of meditation.

3.  Detachment

As busy caregivers, it is easy to get distractions by small irritations such as having to wait in lines at the pharmacy or having to deal with things like adult diapers that have not been placed where they should have been placed.  The solution is not to avoid these small problems because they will inevitably reappear.  The solution is to develop a detachment in order to keep things in perspective.  Meditation helps with this by clearing the head of these irritating thoughts.  The purpose is not to develop an indifference but to see the situation for what it really is…a minor occurence.

4. Happiness and peace of mind

I remember a time when I was in college and in the middle of mid-terms.  I had just purchased a small condominium and had many boxes remaining to be unpacked after the move AND my best friend was getting married.  My mother asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I remember writing her a poem instead of a Christmas list.  I don’t recall the entire poem but the last line was “ALL I want is some peace of mind.” 

Most of us are seeking happiness and peace of mind in one way or another.  It may be through a spiritual journey, or simply by trying to live a better life.  Meditation helps with increasing our happiness by taking us directly to the source of happiness, which can be found in simply “being”.  When you are simply being, there are no worries, past, present or future because they are all shut out.  This is not to say that they won’t return once our meditation is finished but for that few moments, we can be at peace and tap into the happiness that is available to us.  According to Tejvan Pettinger ” Meditation shows us that happiness is not dependent on outer circumstances, but on our inner attitude.”

The benefits of meditation are real but they will not occur with just one or two sessions.  It may take some time for you to relax and allow the meditations to work.   They should be practiced at least once every day for best results. 

You can find some good meditation CDs at your local bookstore or on iTunes.  The iPhone has some meditation aps available, as well.  Two that I like are called “Simply Being” and “Meditation Oasis”.

Because of our belief in the goodness of meditation for caregivers, when we launch our new membership program in September (Team C.A.R.E. – Caregiving Activities Resources and Education), a monthly downloadable meditation will be included along with 6-8 other meditations to get you started.

I hope that you’ll give the practice of meditation a try and let me know how it works for you.

I’m With You

Im standing on the bridge
Im waiting in the dark
I thought that you’d be here
by now
Ther’s nothing but the rain
no foot steps on the ground
Im listening but there’s
no sound

Isn’t anyone trying to find me
Won’t somebody come take me home

it’s a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won’t you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don’t know who you are but I
Im with you
Im with you

Im looking for a place
Im searching for a face
Is anybody here
I know

Cause nothing’s going right
And everything’s a mess
And no one likes to be
alone

Isn’t anyone trying to find me?
Won’t somebody come take me home?

It’s a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won’t you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new?

I don’t know who you are
But I
Im with you
Im with you

Oh

Why is every thing so confusing?
Maybe Im just out of my mind

Yeah yeah yeah…

It’s a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won’t you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don’t Know Who You are
But I
Im with you
Im with you
Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don’t Know Who You are
But I
Im with you
Im with you

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don’t Know Who You are
But I
Im with you
Im with you

Avril Lavigne

You may wonder why I would post a You Tube video and then the lyrics to one of Avril Lavigne’s songs, but I encourage you to reread the lyrics and think to yourself  ”Is this not how I feel on many days???”  There were many times when I was just waiting, hoping, praying…..that someone, ANYONE would come rescue me from caregiver hell, even for just a couple of hours.

This song and these lyrics were actually the subject of our lesson at church yesterday and I felt compelled to share part of the lesson with you.  I’m just going to take it in a different direction though and talk about the importance of spirituality in caregiving.

Spirituality means different things to different people.  To some it is simply the belief in a higher power; to some it is faith in the meaning of life and to others it is organized religion. 

Caregiving often causes a  disruption in  faith.  Caregivers can be faced with questions such as “Why me?”, “Why did this happen to my loved-one?”, “What value can my caregiving have?” or “What did I DO to deserve such misery”?  Caregivers can become confused about what to pray for…..and praying for help for themselves can cause guilt over not praying for their care recipient instead.  ( ”Who am I to be asking for help when my poor husband is suffering through this terrible disease?”)

Whether you are religious or not, you may be able to find faith in your existing beliefs about life and God if you become intentional about it.  Studies have shown that spiritual caregivers suffer from less stress and depression than non-spiritual caregivers.  Prayer can be very comforting and can bring a few moments solace and addressing your spiritual needs can help you grow as a person, find acceptance in the situation and find positives in the experience.

If you’re not yet a spiritual person, start by meditating.  Find a quiet spot at a time you won’t be interrupted and just BE.  Concentrate on your breathing and push the thoughts out of your brain. Begin with just 5 minutes and increase as your are able.  (There are many meditation tapes that can guide you and if you have an iPhone, there are some good meditation apps available.)  As you become more proficient, you can ask yourself a question before you begin meditating, for instance “what is the meaning in my role as a caregiver?”

If you are a spiritual person, you may find solace in taking time to pray, meditate or practice spiritual rituals.  You may want to speak to a trusted religious figure to help you to find meaning in your role.

In either case, focus on the positive.  It does no good to dwell on the negatives that can’t be changed. It will only cause more bitterness and anger to enter your heart.  Start a gratitude journal – at first, you might find little to write about but the more you consider (pray over) it, the more you will find to be thankful for.  Be intentional. Pray for growth, acceptance, learning opportunities, peace.  Pray that you are able to help your care recipient enjoy the remainder of their days as best they can.  Concentrate on the happy moments that appear unexpectedly.  Keep in mind how you will feel when they are not there with you.

My father was not a religious man when I was young; it was my mother who always took us to church and who was able to drag my father along on special occasions.  When he came to live with me, I had already begun to attend a church weekly and he began attending with me.  It wasn’t long before HE was the one who couldn’t wait for Sunday and it was probably him who kept me at church when there were times I just wanted to collapse.  On the night he died, our pastor was able to visit him in the hospital just hours before he passed.

Even if you have lost faith, reconnecting with a religious community can end up being a great source of comfort.  There are answers in the teachings of the Lord.  There is also a community of people who may be able to offer comfort, support………and maybe even respite care !  Be intentional in finding that comfort.

I like what Dr. Gerald Trigg wrote in the book “The Fearless Caregiver” by Gary Barg: “All of us who help others do so as wounded healers.  Our task is not easy, but it is needful.  We are at our best when we begin each day with gratitude, offering thanks for yet another day to receive and offer love.  It isn’t always easy; it IS always necessary – if those we care for - are to become better, and not bitter.”

Dr. Trigg……I’m with you.