In honor of National Family Caregiver Month (which is November), they will be highlighting caregivers and their personal stories.
“ From October 25th to November 11th, we will be accepting story submissions from both professional and home caregivers who devote their time to taking care of an aging adult. We are also accepting story submissions from individuals who want to write on behalf of a professional or family caregiver they know. We want to hear about their experience as a caregiver and the impact it has had on their lives. The submissions will be available on the Seniorhomes.com website for visitors to read, share and vote on.”

*There will be awards!  Every person who submits a story and LIKES their Facebook page will be entered into a weekly gift card drawing.

*If you submit your story by the end of TODAY, October 31st, you will be eligible to win a Flip video camera.

* But there’s more!

• Impactful
• Inspirational
• Heartwarming
• Demonstrative of Flexibility and Forgiveness

If you’d like to share your personal  caregiving story or write about a professional or family caregiver that you feel deserves recognition, you may submit your story HERE.

You can also find out more about the Recogniton Awards HERE

Best of luck!

Your email:

 

The most important thing to keep in mind when shopping at these discount stores is that they are not held to the high standards that the grocery stores are.  So you must be careful what you purchase.

The Do Buys:

Cleaning products are said to be a good value at the dollar stores.  And if you come across a name brand that you trust, go ahead and buy it.  It’s safe.

Generally speaking, bleach is bleach is bleach and most of other cleaning products have the same ingredients as the name brands.  (Veronica Bright of Hub Pages states that she found a wonderful cleaner called Mean Green at the Dollar Store which she says is amazing!)  Sponges are generally a good buy, as well.

Greeting cards are a great dollar store find.  Brand name cards can cost as much as $5.00 a piece and at the dollar store, you can find nicely made cards for as little as fifty cents a piece.   I stock up on the “homemade scrapbook-like” cards so that I’m never without the perfect card.  I’ve also found some very pretty and well made Gift bags as well as paper shred.  The ribbon didn’t seem to be much of a bargain.

Food storage containers, are less expensive and from my experience, hold up as well as the grocery store brands.  I buy the aluminum foil type casserole pans to use for pot lucks and delivered church meals.  I’ve also seen tortilla warmers for a dollar.

School Supplies can be found cheaper at stores like Target and Wallmart during back-to-school sales but when you find that you need poster board in January, it’s much better to pay a dollar than the $3.79 it would cost at other stores.  Two sets of tabbed dividers are $1.00 as compared to $2.50 – $3.00 at office supply stores.

Movie Night Candies can be expensive especially when purchased at the theatre.  The dollar stores carry name brand candies in “movie-sized” containers.  Although most sugars don’t deteriorate quickly, it’s still a good idea to check the experation date. 

Children’s shoes are actually a good buy because their feet grow so quickly.  Summer sandals and flip flops are an especially good bargain and can be a fun gift for the grandchildren. 

Picture frames can be rather costly in department stores.  If you’re lucky, you can find some decent ones now and then at the dollar store. 

Wine goblets are a great find.  For just a dollar, you can purchase big (we detest those tiny 4 oz glasses that don’t allow the wine to breath or be swirled) sturdy glasses for both red and white wines.  Now I’m not advocating that you serve your care recipient giant glasses of wine but long into his 80s, my father loved wine and still had an excellent palate.  There shouldn’t be lead in these, but I might do a bit of research about that.

According to Jeff Yeager, author of “The Cheapskate Next Door”, Spices are a good purchase.  I would agree with that if you’re not super picky.  It’s difficult to mess up pepper or parsley but there are other spices that require better quality.  Remember to check expiration dates.

Books and specialty CDs are two of my favorite finds.  I’ve found some great current reads and some lovely inspirational books for just a dollar each – excellent gift items.  CDs with relaxing music for mediatation or bubble baths can often be found along with holiday CDs – just don’t expect well-known artists.

Seasonal items are good purchases if you have not shopped the previous years’ end-of-season sale.  Be wary that anything painted (especially ceramics) might contain lead.

The Don’ts

Over-the-counter medications and vitamins – As tempting as these are to purchase, I wouldn’t do it.  As I entioned before, the dollar stores are not as well regulated and Consumer Reports has stated that some vitamins didn’t have the amount of nutrients that they claimed to have on the label.

Children’s Toys (except for coloring books).  I just wouldn’t trust the quality.

Batteries – Many of the battery products found at the dollar stores are made with carbon zinc, as opposed to lithium, so they do not last as long.  Carbon zinc can also leak, thus doing damage to your electronics. 

Plastic and Aluminum Wraps – One dollar for 25 feet of aluminum foil is just not a good deal.

Pet Food and Pet Toys – Again, this is due to lack of regulation and in my opinion, shodiness of product. 

Gum – Costco is cheaper, Amazon even more so.

Oven mits and kitchen towels – They’re just too thin and may not protect you from being burnt or be very absorbent.

Socks – I’ve found them to be poor quality and NOT soft.  I will say that iVillage disagrees with me and recommends them as a good buy.  (Shoe Shining blocks are a good value at $1.00 for a pack of 2.  I’ve seen these at Nordstrom for $5.95 each.) I keep one in the car in order to quickly wipe off smudges before doctors’ appointments or church service.)

Power cords – Again, in my opinion, they are poor quality and might damage your electronics.  Duct tape, sand paper, painter’s tape and bungee cords are good though.

Sodas – Sodas can be found less expensive elsewhere.

Baby items – Avoid them due to lack of regulation.  (I’ve never seen diapers available though.)

Perishables – YES and NO  A bunch of green onions for a dollar is not a steal when they can be purchased for 79 cents elsewhere.  But I once found a giant package of ginger root for .99 cents – now that’s a steal! I also found some great gourmet caramel popcorn with almonds and some chocolate covered pretzels (that I normally bought wholesale for my giftbaskets at $3.00 a package).  If you’re aware of your normal supermarket prices, and there is a brand available that you trust, go ahead and purchase.  Again, just be sure to check expiration dates.

Grooming items are iffy but worth checking out.  Shampoo is a decent find as are scrubbies/loofahs.  Items like Chapstick and Vaseline can often be found there and my very favorite soap (Yardley oatmeal and almond) is almost always available at the dollar store.  Nail files, packages of combs, tooth flossing sticks are of value. Skip the cotton swabs (too flimsy and could be dangerous), make-up (due to lack of regulation), and make-up remover pads (can I just say UGH!?).

Also remember that many dollar type stores accept coupons so don’t forget to bring those along.

What are YOUR favorite finds?

by Shelley

 Wednesdays can be difficult…3 days away from the remembrance of a relaxing week-end and yet 3 more days until the next one rolls around…and still SO much to do. I needed some inspiration today and so I opened up my iTunes and chose Enya’s “Paint the Sky With Diamonds” to help me through the afternoon.

Most of you probably don’t know that I danced ballet for over 10 years or that I broke my foot practicing entrechat cinq, a ballet movement beginning in 5th position and in which a dancer jumps in the air and crosses her straight legs at the calves quickly. What a dancer is NOT supposed to do (and what I did) is to land on the side of the foot thus creating a spiral fracture. CRACK! That was in my late thirties.

 Anyway……..our class practiced to Enya, Celine, Disney’s Tarzan movie track, NSYNC and other non-traditional music. So to hear Enya brings me back to one of my passions and makes me happy.

 There is a quote I read today by Margaret Bonanno that states “It is only possible to live happily ever after on a daily basis”. I guess that if you skip one happy day, then you must start all over again. Each day makes up the sum total of “happily ever after”.

For those of us who are caregivers or who get caught up in our enormous “To Do” Lists or are just trying to get through the day unscathed, this is a gentle reminder to be intentional about creating happiness in our daily lives.

1. Train yourself not to take the bait the next time a loved one, a boss, a coworker or a customer service agent attempts to engage you in an argument. Does it REALLY matter whether the Lakers are better than the Celtics or that Mom seems ungrateful that you gave up your favorite show so that she could watch hers?

 2. Rearrange the living room. When you walk into your home, you want to feel nourished. Take a look around. Is it cluttered? Is it dreary? Dusty? Do you hate the color on the walls? Have you been looking at the same old knick-knacks for 5 years straight? Change it up. Add a bouquet of flowers, a (new) favorite photo, a bowl of fresh fruit. Paint the walls a new color. Add a chair from a different room. (If you have a hospital bed in your living room, does it REALLY need to be there? Chances are there is somewhere else it could be placed.)

 3. Research “jokes about oranges” on Google. Of course, you can choose a different subject. The idea is to find something funny so that you can laugh.

4. Plant a pot of annuals (or buy a bunch of flowers). You could even gather some wildflowers while you’re out on your walk. It’s amazing how pretty a bunch of dandelions can look when placed in a tiny vase. Flowers are bright, cheery and help connect you to nature.

5. Open the windows. We have become a society that tends to shut ourselves in because we feel safer that way. Take a little time to open some windows and create a fresh breeze for awhile. The house air gets stale and contributes to fatigue.

6. Try fishing. It’s very relaxing (it almost forces you to relax, unless you are attempting to catch a marlin, tuna or large salmon). You don’t have to keep the fish – they can be thrown back into the pond or lake.

 7. Join a kick-boxing class. I have a friend who just took this up last year and she loves it. If kick-boxing is not your style, try yoga, pilates, ballet or zumba!

8. Find a kind of meditation that feels right and promise yourself to give it “the old college try”. There are many different kinds of meditation: guided imagery, transcendental, mindfulness, etc. I always had trouble with guided imagery and so was resistant to meditation for a long time. Now I practice a meditation that simply concentrates on “being”. There are many meditation apps available for “smart phones”.

9. Sit in the shade under a tree and watch the world around you. Perhaps you might even bring a book or a magazine. Give yourself permission to stay there for at least 30 minutes.

10. Buy a 1 or 2 pieces of your favorite chocolate. Iris Murdoch says “One of the secrets of a happy life is continuous small treats”.

Treat yourself well.

by Shelley

As caregivers, we have many projects awaiting our attention.  Weekly meal plans accompanied by grocery lists, creating a map of the quickest roundtrip route to use in order to accomplish the most errands in one day, arranging to have all necessary community resources and equipment in place for the arrival of a parent due home from the hospital or even going to lunch with a friend are just a few examples.

But sometimes, all the other things on our To Do list make it difficult for us to sit down and concentrate on the project at hand.  All these other items are swimming around in our head and clogging up the thought lines.

Here is a short exercise taught to me by my friend and mentor, Sandra Martini, that has really helped me to be more productive.  It’s called Clearing Your Mental Desk and I’d love to share it with you!

1.  Get yourself a timer.  It can be a kitchen timer, the stopwatch on your cell phone, even the oven timer will work.

2. Now sit yourself down in an uncluttered space with a blank sheet of paper or two and a pen or pencil. It’s best to use pen/pencil and paper to do this exercise as it works a different part of the brain, but it can be done using your computer, as well.

3. Set your timer for 15 minutes. (I use one in the shape of a strawberry that I bought at Michael’s for 3 dollars.)

4.  Write down EVERYTHING that is on your mind, from washing the dishes to calling the furnace repair man to sewing on a button to consulting an elderlaw attorney.  Just write it all down in list form.  Don’t stop writing until the timer goes off. 

5.  Once the timer goes off, stop writing and go over your list. 

6.  At this point, if you are planning to work on a project, just set the list aside to go over later.  Now your mind is clear and you can concentrate on your project much better.  THIS REALLY WORKS!

(If you do NOT have a project, check off about 7 items that you would like to accomplish TODAY.  Attack each item, one by one, starting with the first one and proceeding until all 7 items are completed or until you run out of time.  If all 7 items are completed, you can choose 1-2 more to work on. )

It’s best to take 10-15 minutes to clear your mental desk every day because new (possibly high priority items) may be added to your To Do list. 

I have begun keeping a spiral notebook for my mental desk clearing so that I can review the older notes  once a day until everything is checked off that needs to be checked off. 

You will be amazed at how much more you can accomplish when using this exercise.

Jimi Hendrix once said “When power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace”.  I don’t see that happening soon.

A couple of days ago, I was watching a video on Oprah.com which featured Reverend Ed Bacon, Elizabeth Lesser and Michael Bernard Beckwith on questions you can ask yourself as part of your spiritual practice. 

Before I go any further, I’m going to state that know that many people do not agree with the way that Oprah is approaching the spiritual, saying that she’s not a believer in God or in Christ.  I don’t know; I’m not her.  What I will say is that she offers lessons from various teachers so that we can all walk our own walk.  I don’t know where you are on your path; I only know where I am and I thought that these questions were helpful.

Of course, the first question which had to do with intentionality got my attention.

Reverend Ed Bacon suggested that being intentional is a big part of spiritualty.  He suggests listing the intentions that you would like in your spiritual life  because that will impact your spiritual journey and then to list the movements of grace that happen during or after that prayer time, for instance, “what do I want to accomplish in my spiritual life” and “what are my intentions for that particular prayer period”?   Many people do this by writing down their daily gratitudes in a journal.

Elizabeth Lesser asked:

1. Would I rather be right or would I rather be happy?
2. Am I ready to accept life on its own terms?
3. How can I let go and relax with each moment?

These are all questions that will resonate with caregivers.  I remember many times that I wanted to correct my father when his dementia would not let him state the facts correctly.  One day I asked myself “what is my intention for arguing with him; what am I hoping to accomplish?”  That was the day that I stopped arguing. 

All we can do as caregivers is to try to enjoy the moment, the present, with our loved ones because we don’t know what the next moment will bring.

Finally Michael Bernard Beckwith stated that we are here to be “a beneficial presence” and asked what gifts are trying to emerge that you had given up on?  He states that at the end of it all, we might be haunted about what we DIDN’T do, try and/or risk and that we must use the gifts, powers and capacities that we were given.  As caregivers, we may already be doing just  that……….but we must be careful not to lose hope that we will be able to accomplish the other dreams in the process. 

Remember that just like medicine, spirituality is a practice.  Be around holy people.  Read, meditate, journal, pray, and/or list the items that you are grateful for every day. 

PS My friend has the alarm on his phone set for 1:11 every day and when it goes off, he pauses for a moment to state what he is grateful for that day.

When my father passed away, I was not at his side.  The media continuously announces that so-and-so “died peacefully in his sleep last night, his family at his side”.  My father passed away in the wee hours of the morning; I wasn’t there; I wasn’t expecting that he would pass that day and no one called me to notify me that he had taken a turn for the worse.  In fact, I had called to check on him at 1 a.m. and was told he was fine.  And yet, feelings of guilt haunted me for months.

Guilt comes from purposefully doing something wrong.  For instance, if you intentionally denied your loved one their favorite meal, just because you were angry with them, then you are feeling guilt.  If your loved one was disappointed because you  could not make their favorite meal because you forgot to purchase a specific required ingredient, then that would be regret.

Regret can be summed up by exchanging it with the words “I wish”.   I WISH I had been there with my father when he passed away.  I WISH someone would have called to notify me that the time was near.  Other examples include “I wish my husband was physically or mentally capable of running errands with me”… but he isn’t or I wish I didn’t need to call in a respite care worker to watch my Mom while I’m gone”….but I do.

The difference is that guilt is felt when what you have done was intentionally done to cause the other person harm or pain in some way.  Regret is felt when you inadvertently caused pain or harm (perceived or real) to someone and that you wish you could change the past.

Guilt can paralyze you if you do not acknowledge it, so it’s best to deal with it immediately.  Apologize to your loved one (and anyone else involved)  if appropriate or make a plan to change your action if and when the situation occurs again.  This will help you to let go of the feelings of guilt.

When dealing with regret, you can also identify what you would have done differently and also how to alter an outcome, but in general, no apologies are necessary. 

So what can we do to communicate our love to a person who may not even remember who we are?

The answer may be to look at ways in which they expressed their love to us.

When you failed a test at school, or your friends “left without you” or you were not feeling well, what did your Mom or Dad do to make you feel better?  I remember that when I had a cold, my Mom would always rub Vick’s Vapo Rub on my chest.  I hated the smell and the stickiness but never-the-less, it showed me that she cared. 

Once when my 2 best friends were playing the “Three’s a Crowd” game, my father, who was handy with woodwork, made me a skateboard.  He never said a word about flaunting it in front of my friends; he just asked me to “try it out”.  And before long, my two best friends came running over for a chance at a turn to ride on it.

When you were not at your best, what kinds of things did your parents do to express their love to you?

I posed the question on Facebook and Twitter and here are some of the responses that I received:

• caring words
• opening the windows
• let me stay home from school
• kisses on the forehead
• brought me “magic toys” from the drugstore
• asking “you alright?”
• sang to me
• let me eat in my bedroom which was otherwise forbidden
• put Vick’s Vapo Rub on my chest with heated towel on top
• brought me a stuffed animal
• took us bowling
• stroked forehead
• light touches on shoulder, hand or knee
• brought me soup (potato, chicken noodle), 7-Up, Ginger Ale, popsicles
• just sat quietly close by
• hand-written notes in lunch boxes
• brought me ice cream when I had a sore throat

My theory is that if you examine the things that your aging parent did to show you love, you could use these same things to show them YOUR love.  The actions will be familiar and comfortable to them and should evoke the same loving feelings that they felt towards you when they intiated the actions themselves. 

Give it a try and let me know if it works for you.

Unfortunately, my daughter was not able to visit him before my father moved into the last stages of dementia.  A negative experience at the hospital caused him to experience delirium and then to decline rapidly.  When she arrived, he was barely recognizable, propped up in his wheelchair by the nurse’s station, unaware of his surroundings and not speaking. 

But as my daughter looked at him straight in the face, smiled and said “Hi, Papa, it’s me”, for a moment, just a moment, there was a glimmer of recognition as he smiled and raised his hand …and then he was gone again, back to wherever dementia sufferers go.  This was the last time we saw a glimmer of clarity in him.

Many caregivers of dementia patients see those moments of clarity in their loved ones and they offer moments of hope that perhaps their loved ones are returning to them.  Excrutiatingly, the moments don’t last.

Directed by Simon Pitts and written by Carol Younghusband, “Ten Glorious Seconds” is a short film about Albert, who is in the last stages of Alzheimer’s Disease and his wife Josie who longs to connect with him.

You can watch the movie here ~~> Ten Glorious Seconds from Simon Pitts on Vimeo.

I would love to see your comments about it.