by Margot McClelland

In the state of our economy, selling your home is tough. Even relatively stable markets, like Austin Real Estate, are suffering — and, regrettably, economists forecast a dreary future for real estate in the months to come. If your loved one would like to downsize to a smaller home or apartment in a more age friendly environment or move in with an adult child for caregiving and assistance, they may feel hopeless or reluctant to even put their house on the market. Luckily, there are easy ways to update the look of a home without spending lots of money. As a caregiver, you can help. Just follow these 5 easy steps and you should make a great impression on a prospective buyer and get the best offer on a home.

A charming first impression

The first things a buyer sees are the curb, porch, and garden. Although these areas are sometimes neglected for extended periods of time, a well kept garden, swept porch, and welcoming wreath can give buyers a great first impression.

A tidy home

Of course, as houses age, they may wear down in places, crack, weather, etc. While these things are bound to happen, you want a potential buyer to get the impression that someone has kept up the house, despite its age. To portray a well-maintained home, touch up all chipped paint and keep the house in pristine condition at all times. Change air filters and deep clean the carpets before showing.

Impress with appealing kitchen and bathrooms

The kitchen is the heart of any home. Families gather, mothers cook, sons and daughters lick spoons. Due to the kitchen’s familial connotations, it’s important to keep this room in great condition. If you can afford to update appliances, you should try and do so. However, if you’re strapped for cash, just give your current appliances a nice, deep clean. People also tend to closely examine bathrooms for cleanliness. Give the bathroom a scrub down from top to bottom until it shines.

Get impersonal

Last but not least, impersonalize the home. After a person has lived in a home for decades, they can accumulate a lifetime’s worth of belongings, photos, and furniture. The best way to make a house impersonal is to put all photos in boxes and stow them away. Also try and de-clutter the home to give the impression of spaciousness. A home that is impersonal and uncluttered will allow the buyer to visualize themselves and their family in the home, rather than directly seeing someone else’s family all around them.

While you may be apprehensive about selling your home or helping a loved one sell their home, with these easy pointers, you’ll surely sell in less time.

*Margot is a guest blogger on the subjects of homes and real estate.

When caring for your aging parent or loved one becomes overwhelming and you need a break, or when extra help is needed with bathing, feeding, dressing, household duties or if caring for them yourself is just not possible anymore, selecting an in-home health care provider is a good alternative. 

If your home health care worker will be assisting with bathing or dressing, it is important to discuss this with your loved one to make sure that they are comfortable with the gender of the companion.  Women or men may become embarrassed when opposite gendered health care workers assist them with personal care and this may cause bath time to become stressful.

One way to stay involved is to use a caregiver’s organizer (which we just happen to offer on our website).  The Caregiver’s Companion is an organizational tool that has sections for personal information, family history, medications and side effects, medical appointments, and home health care workers notes.  I hate selling, but this IS a verry good tool in my opinion.

It can be hectic managing more than one household. Anything you can do to make the tasks easier on yourself is good. When you need some form of documentation, you want to know where it is so you can get your hands on it in a hurry. This simple matter of organizing documents is more important than ever when you are a caregiver to a loved one. It brings peace of mind not only to your loved one, but also to you.

You will want to keep important documents stored safely in a large plastic Ziploc-type bag (simply so that you can grab it and run)  inside a filing cabinent, a small safe, or a safety deposit box. Be sure the documents are in a location that is easy to find by you or other family members. Remember: You will be at your worst when the time comes to find and present these documents, so be sure you know where they are.    Additionally, there are now internet services that provide safe and secure storage of important health, financial and legal information that can be accessed by any family member or designee who is given password permission.  One such provider of this service is Family Care Files.    Here is a short list of the documents you will want to locate. Here is a short list of the documents you will want to locate.     Medical information
In an emergency, you don’t want to be fumbling around for a list of medications or doctor’s numbers. Keep a list of all of this information in a central location for easy reference. List the loved one’s physicians, their allergies, medications, the length of time on medications, insurance information, recent diagnostic studies and their results, etc. Keep this information updated.  You can find an organizational tool HERE.

Other Insurance information
Find the policies for all insurance including medical, home, vehicle, and life. Become familiar with policies so you know how much they are worth and what stipulations there are on payouts. Many people miss out on having insurance pay for certain services for their loved one because they don’t know where the information is. Many insurance companies now offer their policy holders an online version of the policy. Print that out and keep it safe.  

Durable Powers of Attorney
This is important when a loved one becomes incapacitated and needs someone to make decisions on their behalf. Even if a person is not incapacitated fully, you may have taken over bill paying or other simple money tasks. You may have been given your loved one’s checkbook to pay bills with or do grocery shopping, but if you don’t have power of attorney, it is illegal to sign that check. Discuss this situation with your attorney.   There are 2 different kinds of Powers of Attorney, one is for legal/financial and one is for healthcare.  In some states, these may be combined into one document and in some states, the durable power of attorney is part of the Advanced directive (which, as I mentioned is sometimes called a Living Will and some physicians do not recognize living wills, so that is why it’s best to have these documents prepared by a lawyer and notorized).   They are called durable because they remain in effect even if your loved one becomes incapacitated (which is when they are probably needed the most).  BUT…..keep in mind that these powers of attorney are easily revokable by your loved one at any time (unless they have been determined incapacitated).

*There is another kind of durable power of attorney called a “Springing DPA” because it “springs into effect” only if the loved one becomes incapacited.

Yes, it’s complicated.

As a caregiver, you should carry copies of your powers of attorney with you at all times.

Last Will and Testament     This is the documentation that tells you where your loved one wants their money, property, and/or goods to go when they pass on. When a person dies without a will, the courts have a specific way of handling things that may not honor their wishes and can delay the ability of the family to disperse the loved one’s remaining assests. Encourage your loved one to make a will if they don’t already have one. There are simple to use formats online that you can fill out, sign and have reviewed by an attorney.  Even a will written on a napkin is better than no will at all.   Under the best circumstances, the last will and testament should be part of a “trust”. In their new book “Trial & Heirs: Famous Fortune Fights”,  Danielle and Andrew Mayoras state “Where there’s a will, there’s a way… but there’s a better way. Trusts help people control how, when, where and by whom their money and property should pass when they die.”  And with trusts, there is no probate required. There is when using a will.  Additionally, trusts are not public information, whereas wills are.  So if you are looking to keep your 4th cousin 5 times removed from addressing the court in order to receive what they feel is their right to have, you want to be sure a trust is created.   There are many rules involved in  utilizing a trust correctly but they will make matters much easier when it comes time to use them.  Contact an elder law attorney for further information.   

Advanced Directive
In an advanced directive (sometimes known as a living will), your loved one can stipulate what type of end-of-life medical care or intervention they want or don’t want to receive in the event that they are no longer able to make decisions for themselves.   In this directive, a person is appointed to make the decisions on their behalf.  A durable power of attorney for health care (see below) also gives the decision-making power to a person appointed by the loved one.  The advanced directive and durable powers of attorney for healthcare can be 2 separate documents.  Consult with your elderlaw attorney because the laws regarding this document vary greatly from state to state or province to province.   Protecting your loved one is all a part of taking care of them. Knowing where their pertinent information is can help you to do that. Again, the moment to find these important documents is not when you need them, it’s when you don’t.  

 And while we’re speaking on this subject, do you have these documents in place for yourself, as well???

This afternoon I had the pleasure of speaking with Jim Nalley, Founder of EmFinders, a company that utilizes the secure and reliable 911 emergency system in order to quickly locate and recover missing loved ones (who are wearing the EmSeekQ device) and who may have wandered.

The EmSeeQ  device is a watch-like apparatus that can be worn 24/7 by the at-risk person.  If that person goes missing, a call is placed to 911 to alert law enforcement officials and then to EmFinders to request remote activation of the device (I’m thinking LoJack or On-Star here).

Because of the type of technology utilized, it can find persons much better than a GPS type system.

I asked Jim “but what if the person takes it off” ?   He reassured me that the device is designed so as to require 2 hands to open the clasp so that only the caregiver can remove it.  It is also water-resistant, and submergible. 

I thought it would be very expensive but was surprised to learn that to buy the device is just $199.00 plus $25.00 per month for monitoring.  They also have a rental program. 

The video below shows exactly how it works.

photo by slevin

opportunity to to challenge ourselves to write a blog post on a certain schedule.  Most of the participants have chosen to attempt to write a blog post every day but I chose to write one on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays because it is a schedule that I wish to continue after the challenge ends.

This past week, Jenny Littlejohn of Striding-Ahead.co.uk posted a poem on her site that I wanted to share with you and she has graciously allowed me to do so.  It is a poem about giving yourself and others permission to cry.  As caregivers, we NEED to cry but we often postpone it saying to ourselves “I don’t have time for that now”.  Crying is healing.  It releases stress.  So the next time you feel like crying……

PLEASE DO CRY

How often, when someone cries
Do you hear them, so meekly, apologise?
As if somehow they’ve done something wrong
Instead, they’re just singing their healing song

How often when public tears do threat
your burning, shaming cheeks to wet
Do you try to blink away the pain
Treat it like some embarrassing stain

It seems to me, as we grow to adulthood
We are taught, crying in public is just not good
And when tears approach we shove them aside
Like a part of us, we just can’t abide

When you graze your skin and blood appears
You know it’s just your body shedding healing tears
It’s only natural that blood may flow
Allowing healing new skin to grow

Just why is it, that when our heart is bleeding,
when it’s just love that’s most needing
Do those that want to comfort us, sigh
There, there now, please don’t cry?

So, when next you have a wound to heal
Allow yourself to feel exactly what you feel
Embrace those tears like a precious prize
They are truly a blessing, totally undisguised

And when you see the tears of another,
turned inwards, their hurt they are trying to smother
Don’t turn away and walk on by
Ask them instead, please do cry

~ Jenny Littlejohn

You may find more of Jenny’s works at www.Striding-Ahead.co.uk/blog

Someone recently asked me what I do. And I thought for a moment and answered “I am an elder-care coach”. Puzzled, they asked, “What is THAT”? “Someone”, I answered, “who works with the elderly, their family and their caregivers to help provide a network of support so the elderly can each live with dignity and happiness in the home of their choice for as long as they are medically able”. And the person looked at me and at first said, “Why?”…I did not bother to answer that question, since the more important question should have been “HOW?” The how is one person, one patient, one caregiver, and one heath care professional at a time.

Suzanne Mintz, co-founder and president of the National Family Caregivers Association (NFCA) says 80 percent of long-term care in this country is done by family and friends. She puts it pretty bluntly: “We are the care system.”
Are you confused about how to help your aging parents?
Are you struggling with siblings over care of your parents?
Are you torn between caring for aging parents, your family & yourself?
You may be feeling overwhelmed and guilty. You may even be losing sleep over your situation…
You are not alone. There are wonderful people that can help you decide what is best for you and your loved ones. There are people and places dedicated to providing safe, home-like environment supported by caring, compassionate staff who embrace your loved ones individual’s needs and worth. Every person has a right to autonomy, freedom of choice, dignity and respect, and being in an environment where their right to privacy is acknowledged and fostered.

How will this happen? As I started to say, one person, one patient, and one caregiver, one heath care professional at a time. And by revolutionizing and radically improving the long-term care landscape by developing communities where all residents have equal access to care that maximizes independence and function, allowing each resident to age in place with dignity and grace.

This plan of care is called “Relationship Based Care” and is something worth fighting for. This embraces the employee, resident, and family member by focusing the need and desire of all to be involved in the process of aging and the care of the individual. Wouldn’t this be a system you would want to look forward to? I sure do.
Remember, one person, one patient, and one caregiver, one heath care professional at a time. And believe me, one by one, we are the tip of a huge movement in our country to change what aging is and how it is perceived. Do not be afraid to be a part of this movement. For your loved ones, for your partner, for yourself. We ARE the future. And the future is NOW.

• Taking the medication in the right dose
• Taking the medication at the right time
• Taking the medication through the right route (you’d be surprised where some medications have been found)
• Taking the medication the right way (with food, 2 hours before or after food, etc.)
• The indications for taking the medication
• The possible side effects of the medication
• Signs and symptoms of an allergic reaction to the medication, and
• Foods (or sun) to avoid while taking the medication

Most healthcare providers teach these same things, BUT…it is not uncommon for healthcare providers to neglect to ask the individual (and/or caregiver) how taking this new medication will affect their daily routine or their life. 

It  is the individual (or their caregiver) who will decide if the mediciation will even be purchased.  Then once purchased, it might not be taken (for instance, the individual or caregiver may remember that their father, aunt or cousin was taking the same medication and did not do well with it). 

In my own case, the physician prescribed a powerful diuretic to my father who had dementia and difficulty getting to the bathroom on time.  You’d better believe that I cringed when that medication was prescribed and that I asked if any other alternatives were available because I knew the havoc that it would cause.

But many times the patient and/or the caregiver are reluctant to bring up their ambivalences about the medication or procedure to the physician or other health care provider before leaving the office. 

Healthcare providers ought to ask permission of the aging loved one or their caregiver before prescribing a new medication, treatment or surgical procedure, but because that is unlikely to happen anytime soon, we as caregivers need to empower ourselves and our loved ones by asking further information about what is being prescribed.

Here is my list of Who, What, When, Where, Why, How (and I added  “Will”)  to determine if a new treatment is appropriate for your loved one.

Remember:  You are allowed to question the healthcare provider and to say “no”.  This will give the healthcare provider a chance to offer an alternate solution.

• Who is going to monitor this?  (You? Your loved one?  Home Health Care? The lab?)
• What good is it going to do?
• Where will this take place? (home, hospital, etc.)
• When will this begin and when will it end?
• Why are we doing this?
• How will this affect our daily routine?
• Will it improve quality of life?

As citizens, we are allowed to make decisions about our healthcare and as caregivers, we must be intentional in making the best healthcare decisions for our loved ones, as well. 

I am sorry I have been absent for some weeks – I am sorry I have not been as prolific as usual.  Life happens, things get in the way….well….hmmm….. I do hope somebody missed me .

A day or so ago, I wrote on Face Book that I was feeling sad.  Just that.  One statement.     “I feel  sad”….3 little  words … and I received  so many lovely and supportive words from friends and colleagues saying that “this too shall pass” and that I was such a comfort and a wonderful caregiver and daughter to my parents….So my statement of sadness was interpreted as mourning the loss of my parents and my brother – those who have died and moved   on leaving me here, alone, feeling sad.

Well, the fact is that I just felt plain old sad.  Not because I am approaching the anniversary of my mom’s passing, which is the most recent and still the most raw, in a sense, but it was just a bad old day and I woke up and could not start the day with all kinds of happy and encouraging words on this new wonderful  and invasive thing called social media.  In the old days (dare I date myself) you had two choices – to answer the phone or not – and to answer the doorbell or not.  Nowadays we are almost stripped naked on a daily basis when we partake in social media – whether it be Face Book, Twitter, MySpace –or  things I do not even know about yet – phones and apps – soon I think people will know where you are and what you are doing just from your phone – because it will be like a GPS.  I would like to go to the Ladies Room in private, thank you.….

So, my word to caregivers is – It is OK to just feel bad or sad sometimes.  Just decide if you want to put it out there for everyone to see, or read.  Some days, or feelings,  are best left private,  when we stay in our pajamas, make sure whomever  we are caring for are well attended to and can stay in their ‘jammies too if they want, just make sure all medications are taken and food is provided and eaten.  Maybe this is the day to watch a great old movie together, laugh or cry together, eat cereal for dinner if you want, tuck your loved one in and call it a day.  For tomorrow blooms fresh and you will awake and say – I am ready to take on the world and you know what?  I even think I heard the birds tweeting – so maybe that damn groundhog was right and spring is on its way and I feel a spring coming back into my step.  And all the power to you, because every day is an adventure and a challenge and you are blessed for taking it on every day…. ……”

Maryellen

Respite Care: The Act of Looking Back

Today’s guest post comes from SeniorsforLiving.com’s Michelle Seitzer. Before committing to life as a full-time freelance writer, Michelle spent 10 years in the senior living and advocacy world, serving in various roles at assisted living communities throughout Pennsylvania and Maryland, and leading the charge for Alzheimer’s as a public policy coordinator for the Pennsylvania chapters of the Alzheimer’s Association. She has blogged for SeniorsforLiving.com since November 2008 and currently resides in York, Pennsylvania, with her teacher husband and two Boston Terriers. Follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

Respite is defined by Merriam-Webster as follows:

1: a period of temporary delay

2: an interval of rest or relief

The word’s first known use dates way back to the 13^th century and comes from the Latin “respectus” – the act of looking back.

The act of looking back…

As a caregiver – of any age or stage – the act of looking back is not something you often get a chance to do, right?

Now the act of looking ahead – hoping for relief of some kind, hoping for more patience, hoping for strength to get through the challenges that are sure to come – that is something you are probably doing on a daily basis.

And, depending on your caregiving situation, the act of looking ahead may even be something in the back of your mind as you meet the immediate needs of the present.

Caregiving is not for the faint of heart, which is why respite is so very important.

Respite refreshes, rejuvenates, and revives the caregiver, and yet so few caregivers take advantage of this crucial lifeline. Unfortunately, feelings of guilt or fear (“I should be able to handle this on my own” or “I can’t leave him alone with anyone else”) get in the way. Sometimes, it’s just plain logistics (cost of care, juggling schedules, and availability of/access to respite services) that pushes the possibility of respite aside.

Whatever the reason, do your best to overcome these obstacles and schedule a much-need breather, a pause from your frenetic day, an opportunity to think your own thoughts or maybe just eat lunch uninterrupted. You will notice a difference, and it’s likely that your care recipient will, too.

Start small, giving yourself an hour a week to unburden yourself. You probably don’t have to move mountains to get this hour in. Maybe there is a point in the day when your loved one watches her favorite TV show, or takes a nap. That’s an opening that you must fill with “me time.”

If you’re in an intensive caregiving situation, these breaks will help, but you will eventually need more rest/relief, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I repeat: there is nothing wrong with needing time for you! Push the guilt aside, and recognize that the seemingly selfish act of taking “me time” is mutually beneficial to your caregiving relationship.

Caregivers occasionally need relief and assistance if a major/minor surgery is required, or for routine doctor’s appointments. Keep your doctor’s appointments, and don’t delay surgery – schedule the short-term care you need for your loved one – but don’t count this as all the respite you need. Maintaining your physical health is important, but you also need time to do what YOU want to do – even if that means doing absolutely nothing.

The ARCH National Respite Network and Resource Center is an excellent place for caregivers to become better educated about respite services in general, and to search for care options in your community. Visit the site at: http://www.archrespite.org/home.

You’ll also find respite care/short-term stays on the roster of services offered by senior living communities these days. Start the search for these communities at www.seniorsforliving.com.

Engage in the “act of looking back” more often. Take time to reflect on who you are outside of your role as a caregiver, and make respite a priority. You’ll be a better caregiver – and a happier, healthier you – for it.

Gary states that his goal was to write a book that was as “caregiver friendly” as possible and that is just what this book is.  Gone is the usual medical jargon and diagnostic mumbo-jumbo that often accompanies books related to Alzheimer’s Disease and caregiving.  Even as a nurse, I don’t enjoy reading the more scientific books…as a caregiver, our brains need a break and some down to earth advice.

Perhaps because Gary also writes a weekly caregiving column for the Hernando Today, he begins each of his chapters with a “Dear Caregiver” note that includes a quotation and his interpretation of how that quotation relates to caregiving or to the dementia itself. 

An example from his book is “Dear Caregiver, American philospopher and poet, Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: “it is one of the most beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.”  You will find that after being a caregiver, you will have a different and better outlook on life.”

When I cared for my own father, I always felt guilt that my father spent over 2 hours reading the paper each day (which gave me some time alone but made me feel guilty for not entertaining him).  In his book, Gary stated how much his father enjoyed playing solitaire and could often spend several hours doing so.  I was relieved to learn that other caregivers were also not always at their loved one’s side. 

Gary’s book is a very down-to-earth, easy to read and poignant account of his successful caregiving journey.  It offers readers hope and enlightenment and can help to affirm to a caregiver that as long as they are doing their best, the way they are caregiving is just perfect.