Comments on: I’m Asking for Your Advice

By: Althea Bessey

Althea Bessey — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 13:51:06 +0000

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By: admin

admin — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 20:02:52 +0000

Thanks so much for your reply. I’ve sent notifications to his banks, CC company (he only has one card ) and other persons with whom he had business relationships. I like your idea of a prepaid card. Unfortunately with him, he’ll get upset if he happens to hit the limit and then he’ll demand to know where all his money is. He can get quite honery.

By: Annette Gonzalez

Annette Gonzalez — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 19:59:10 +0000

I have lived what you are going through. My father, who had dementia, was obsessed with his wallet,often losing it or misplacing it or accusing people of stealing it. I would not put more than $20 in the wallet because he either lost the money or gave it away to strangers.
As for the credit cards,I put one expired card in the wallet so he thought he had capability of using it. All he cared about was the idea that he had a credit card. I would tell your father that you need his credit cards to renew them or to check on the numbers because you were notified that someone had used them.
My father always wanted to go to the bank and as you said asked everyone and anyone to take him. I would take him as often as I could, since I worked full time, to withdraw $20. At other times, I told him that we had just gone to the bank yesterday (even if we hadn’t). I did not let him have a bank card. Perhaps you could tell him that his bank card expired and a new one will come in the mail.
It is difficult to lie to your father, I know, but it is sometimes necessary to protect the person with dementia. And it so difficult to know the times when they are lucid and the times when they are completely out of it.
It is challenging at best to take away your father’s independence but it is necessary. Just remember that he won’t remember most of it anyway.

By: Susan

Susan — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 19:34:01 +0000

Wow, that sure is a tough one. With my dad, there is no c/cards or a bank card to worry about, the bank card is in my name. Is there any way since your his Conservator (Guardian), that perhaps you can notify the companies to contact you before your father makes any withdraws or a purchase over a certain dollar amount, sort of like an allowance limit? Maybe request his c/card limits back? Have you given thought to maybe exchanging them for a prepaid card? So he still “has” something?